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	<channel>
		<title><![CDATA[Official Band Forum - All Forums]]></title>
		<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/</link>
		<description>Official Band Forum - http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums</description>
		<pubDate>Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:05:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<generator>MyBB</generator>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Track Suggestions]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=396</link>
			<pubDate>Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:05:28 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=396</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[Just a suggestion of some tracks for you to add in

Rolling Stones - Angie ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[Just a suggestion of some tracks for you to add in

Rolling Stones - Angie ]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Women, huh?]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=395</link>
			<pubDate>Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:46:40 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=395</guid>
			<description><![CDATA["A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.&nbsp;&nbsp;She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.&nbsp;&nbsp;The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.&nbsp;&nbsp;Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!' 

 

The woman said, 'That's okay.'&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.&nbsp;&nbsp;The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.&nbsp;&nbsp;The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.' 

 

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! 

 

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.&nbsp;&nbsp;The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'&nbsp;&nbsp;The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine.'&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! 

 

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'&nbsp;&nbsp; 

 

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. 

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

 

Male readers : Please note....The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.&nbsp;&nbsp;Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA["A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.&nbsp;&nbsp;She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.&nbsp;&nbsp;The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.&nbsp;&nbsp;Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!' 

 

The woman said, 'That's okay.'&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.&nbsp;&nbsp;The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.&nbsp;&nbsp;The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.' 

 

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! 

 

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.&nbsp;&nbsp;The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'&nbsp;&nbsp;The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine.'&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! 

 

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'&nbsp;&nbsp; 

 

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. 

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

 

Male readers : Please note....The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.&nbsp;&nbsp;Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show."]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Aeroplane gag.]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=394</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 29 Jan 2008 21:15:45 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=394</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A man boarded a plane at Sydney airport and, taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the aircraft. 

He realised she was heading straight towards his seat, and bingo !&nbsp;&nbsp;She took the seat right beside him.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out: "Business trip or holiday?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

The man swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!&nbsp;&nbsp;Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"Lecturer", she responded. " I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"Really?" he smiled, "What myths are those?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"Well", she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is 

most likely to possess that trait.&nbsp;&nbsp;Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also 

found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"I'm sorry", she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!" 

&nbsp;&nbsp;

"Tonto", the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos&nbsp;&nbsp;-&nbsp;&nbsp;but all my friends call me Paddy."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A man boarded a plane at Sydney airport and, taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the aircraft. 

He realised she was heading straight towards his seat, and bingo !&nbsp;&nbsp;She took the seat right beside him.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out: "Business trip or holiday?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

The man swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!&nbsp;&nbsp;Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"Lecturer", she responded. " I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"Really?" he smiled, "What myths are those?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"Well", she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is 

most likely to possess that trait.&nbsp;&nbsp;Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also 

found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

"I'm sorry", she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!" 

&nbsp;&nbsp;

"Tonto", the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos&nbsp;&nbsp;-&nbsp;&nbsp;but all my friends call me Paddy."]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Police]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=393</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:34:55 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=393</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the 
Police. The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have you been drinking Sir?" 
"Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?" 
"No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the 
Police. The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have you been drinking Sir?" 
"Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?" 
"No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Bistro]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=392</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:34:26 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=392</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A woman in a very small Bistro calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she 
asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the bar and starts to 
carress his beard. 

"Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek. 
"Ehhh. No. Not at all!" the barkeeper replies. 
"Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair. 
"Oh, I'm very sorry. But it's impossible!" the barkeeper sighs. 
"Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his 
lips. 
"Of course. What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans. 
"I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says, and let's first one, then two fingers slip 
into his mouth which he gently sucks on. 
"What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth. 
"Please tell him that there is no water, nor paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's toilet!"]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A woman in a very small Bistro calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she 
asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the bar and starts to 
carress his beard. 

"Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek. 
"Ehhh. No. Not at all!" the barkeeper replies. 
"Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair. 
"Oh, I'm very sorry. But it's impossible!" the barkeeper sighs. 
"Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his 
lips. 
"Of course. What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans. 
"I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says, and let's first one, then two fingers slip 
into his mouth which he gently sucks on. 
"What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth. 
"Please tell him that there is no water, nor paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's toilet!"]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Aids]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=390</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:31:39 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=390</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A man is dying of cancer. 
His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS??". 






Answer: "So that when I die, no one will dare screw your mother."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A man is dying of cancer. 
His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS??". 






Answer: "So that when I die, no one will dare screw your mother."]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Builders]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=389</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:30:57 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=389</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot. One day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. 

The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. "You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house." "My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said, 












"I think so. Provided those b*****ds from Jewson's deliver the f*cking bricks in time"
Napper 
Hates cheese 
&nbsp;&nbsp;
Posts: 1089
Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2002 2:27 pm
Location: Is it my imagination or have I finally found something worth living for? 
Website]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot. One day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. 

The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. "You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house." "My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said, 












"I think so. Provided those b*****ds from Jewson's deliver the f*cking bricks in time"
Napper 
Hates cheese 
&nbsp;&nbsp;
Posts: 1089
Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2002 2:27 pm
Location: Is it my imagination or have I finally found something worth living for? 
Website]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Lunch]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=388</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:29:40 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=388</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[Mick has been a builder for thirty years and everyday Micks wife has made him a packed lunch to take to work. 

Anyway one day as normal Mick trotted off to work with his lunch box. At lunch time he opened up his lunch box and notices that there were wires and a clock hanging out his sarnie. 

Scared shitless he phones the Police and explains that he thinks his wife is trying to top him. The copper asked "Is is ticking?", to which Mick replied, "Nope it's not ticking, it's beef!" 

Boom Boom]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[Mick has been a builder for thirty years and everyday Micks wife has made him a packed lunch to take to work. 

Anyway one day as normal Mick trotted off to work with his lunch box. At lunch time he opened up his lunch box and notices that there were wires and a clock hanging out his sarnie. 

Scared shitless he phones the Police and explains that he thinks his wife is trying to top him. The copper asked "Is is ticking?", to which Mick replied, "Nope it's not ticking, it's beef!" 

Boom Boom]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Wedding Sex]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=387</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:27:03 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=387</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. 
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all 
promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. 

The first girl sent a card from the Caribbean two days after the wedding. 
The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"! Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and 
got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop". 

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Paris a week 
after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her 
husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: 
"King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. 

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Hawaii. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another 
week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it 
with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways" Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar 
magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad 
said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. 
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all 
promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. 

The first girl sent a card from the Caribbean two days after the wedding. 
The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"! Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and 
got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop". 

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Paris a week 
after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her 
husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: 
"King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. 

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Hawaii. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another 
week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it 
with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways" Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar 
magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad 
said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Train set]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=386</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:24:58 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=386</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new 
electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you 
b*stards who want to get off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of 
you b*stards who are getting on, get your arse in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." 

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. 
Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play 
with your train, but I want you to use nice language." 

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the 
train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, 
please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us 
today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of 
you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there 
is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." 

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the 
TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat b*tch in the kitchen."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new 
electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you 
b*stards who want to get off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of 
you b*stards who are getting on, get your arse in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." 

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. 
Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play 
with your train, but I want you to use nice language." 

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the 
train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, 
please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us 
today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of 
you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there 
is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." 

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the 
TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat b*tch in the kitchen."]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Suicide]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=385</link>
			<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:22:36 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=385</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A young woman in London was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself 
into the Thames. 

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the freezing water when a handsome young 
sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, 
you have so much to live for. I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you 
away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he 
slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." 

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in America would 
give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. 
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit,and they made 
passionate love until dawn. 

Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. 
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked. 
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to 
America, and he's screwing me." 

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Woolwich Ferry"]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A young woman in London was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself 
into the Thames. 

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the freezing water when a handsome young 
sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, 
you have so much to live for. I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you 
away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he 
slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." 

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in America would 
give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. 
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit,and they made 
passionate love until dawn. 

Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. 
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked. 
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to 
America, and he's screwing me." 

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Woolwich Ferry"]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[The Kings Arms Bedford&nbsp;&nbsp;June 28th]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=383</link>
			<pubDate>Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:25:07 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=383</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A summer gig at this very popular music venue.:wink:]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A summer gig at this very popular music venue.:wink:]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Stevie Wonder..]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=382</link>
			<pubDate>Mon, 14 Jan 2008 17:30:34 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=382</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the palce is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like a request. A little old Japanese man leapt out of his seat in the front row and yelled out:

" Play a Jazz Chord! Play a Jazz Chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the Jazz influences In Stevie's varied career,the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about ten minutes.
When he finishes the place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts, " NO! Play a Jazz Chord!!"
A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears it up. The crowd goes wild and a small standing ovation ensues.
" NO! Play a Jazz Chord!!" shouts the little Japanese fella.
Well and truely jarred off that this man obviously doesn't appreciate the musical genius stood before him,Stevie called out to him:
"OK, smart guy.You get up on stage and do it!"
The little Japanese man hopped up on the stage,grabbed the microphone and said:
" A Jazz Chord To Say I Love You..."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the palce is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like a request. A little old Japanese man leapt out of his seat in the front row and yelled out:

" Play a Jazz Chord! Play a Jazz Chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the Jazz influences In Stevie's varied career,the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about ten minutes.
When he finishes the place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts, " NO! Play a Jazz Chord!!"
A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears it up. The crowd goes wild and a small standing ovation ensues.
" NO! Play a Jazz Chord!!" shouts the little Japanese fella.
Well and truely jarred off that this man obviously doesn't appreciate the musical genius stood before him,Stevie called out to him:
"OK, smart guy.You get up on stage and do it!"
The little Japanese man hopped up on the stage,grabbed the microphone and said:
" A Jazz Chord To Say I Love You..."]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Volvo 850GLT 2.5 Estate, 1996.]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=381</link>
			<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 13:06:01 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=381</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[In blue, manual, 140k, extremely reliable, MOT, Tax, best offer over £1000 secures.
Neil.
07710 873911]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[In blue, manual, 140k, extremely reliable, MOT, Tax, best offer over £1000 secures.
Neil.
07710 873911]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Parrot joke.]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=380</link>
			<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 12:57:34 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=380</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. 
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. 

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. 
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. 

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's out stretched arms and said, 


"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." 

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. 
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, 

"May I ask what the turkey did?"]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. 
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. 

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. 
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. 

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's out stretched arms and said, 


"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." 

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. 
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, 

"May I ask what the turkey did?"]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Religion, huh?]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=379</link>
			<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 12:56:10 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=379</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a  man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. 

The  little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a  priest, said, " I am a Father." 

The little boy replied, "My Daddy  doesn't wear his collar like that." 

The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." 

The boy said, "My Dad has 4  boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that  way."  The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. 

The little boy sat  quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, " Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a  man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. 

The  little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a  priest, said, " I am a Father." 

The little boy replied, "My Daddy  doesn't wear his collar like that." 

The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." 

The boy said, "My Dad has 4  boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that  way."  The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. 

The little boy sat  quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, " Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Way to go]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=377</link>
			<pubDate>Fri, 02 Nov 2007 17:13:29 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=377</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. 

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. 

The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news." 

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?" The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead." 

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks, "what's the good news.......?? 

The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share." 

He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. 

"Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?" 

"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.....!"]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. 

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. 

The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news." 

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?" The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead." 

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks, "what's the good news.......?? 

The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share." 

He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. 

"Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?" 

"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.....!"]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Ooops!]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=375</link>
			<pubDate>Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:30:49 +0100</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=375</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A man stormed into the local Estate Agents:

"I demand to see the Manager!" He fumed.

The Manager appeared from his office and asked:

" Yes, can I help you at all?"

" The house I just went to view from your list was absolutely disgusting!"

" I'm sorry to hear that Sir, what were the problems?"

" Every room,cupboard and carpet was littered with thousands of used Tampons!"

" Well, you did specify 'Period Features' "]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A man stormed into the local Estate Agents:

"I demand to see the Manager!" He fumed.

The Manager appeared from his office and asked:

" Yes, can I help you at all?"

" The house I just went to view from your list was absolutely disgusting!"

" I'm sorry to hear that Sir, what were the problems?"

" Every room,cupboard and carpet was littered with thousands of used Tampons!"

" Well, you did specify 'Period Features' "]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[U2]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=373</link>
			<pubDate>Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:08:14 +0100</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=373</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

He is playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asks the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front of the crowd pierces the silence...

"Well, f*****g stop doing it then!"]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

He is playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asks the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front of the crowd pierces the silence...

"Well, f*****g stop doing it then!"]]></content:encoded>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[A Sinner Converted.]]></title>
			<link>http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=372</link>
			<pubDate>Sun, 16 Sep 2007 13:43:20 +0100</pubDate>
			<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.aorband.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?tid=372</guid>
			<description><![CDATA[A 45 year old&nbsp;&nbsp;man who had lead a hedonistic and rakish life,denouncing all Gods and religions had won a weekend break in the Canadian Rockies. The first day he went out for a walk in the forest where his log cabin was. Fresh snow and a chill wind and above all,silence.
He sighed happily and continued through the trees and heard a growling noise behind him. He spun on his heels and saw an eight foot grizzly,raised on his hind legs ready to attack. It's large teeth and head were frightening. The man fell to his knees and prayed:
" Please God, I know I have denied your existence all my life and sinned and sinned some more but, please God, if you are there don't let this bear eat me!"
Time seemed to freeze and a voice came down from the sky:
" So now you have decided to become a Christian then?" asked God.
" Indeed, I promise to be good and go to church every week."
" The bear is only defending it's cubs,you are in the way!"
" AH, but couldn't the bear become a Christian?"
God thought for a while.
" So Be IT!" said God and was gone.
Time unfroze and just as the bear was hefting his mighty claws downwards he stopped and bowed his head and said: 
" For what we are about to recieve...."]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[A 45 year old&nbsp;&nbsp;man who had lead a hedonistic and rakish life,denouncing all Gods and religions had won a weekend break in the Canadian Rockies. The first day he went out for a walk in the forest where his log cabin was. Fresh snow and a chill wind and above all,silence.
He sighed happily and continued through the trees and heard a growling noise behind him. He spun on his heels and saw an eight foot grizzly,raised on his hind legs ready to attack. It's large teeth and head were frightening. The man fell to his knees and prayed:
" Please God, I know I have denied your existence all my life and sinned and sinned some more but, please God, if you are there don't let this bear eat me!"
Time seemed to freeze and a voice came down from the sky:
" So now you have decided to become a Christian then?" asked God.
" Indeed, I promise to be good and go to church every week."
" The bear is only defending it's cubs,you are in the way!"
" AH, but couldn't the bear become a Christian?"
God thought for a while.
" So Be IT!" said God and was gone.
Time unfroze and just as the bear was hefting his mighty claws downwards he stopped and bowed his head and said: 
" For what we are about to recieve...."]]></content:encoded>
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